Is work feeling frustrating and off? Here are some questions to ask yourself.
Or
Is it you or your organization?
A lot of times, when things feel off at work, it feels like you have a handful of options:
go on vacation and hope when you get back things will feel different;
talk to your boss about how to make things different, maybe they can help;
learn more about yourself and adapt to what is feeling off;
try to change the workplace so that it feels less off; or
quit.
Ultimately these options can be boiled down to 1) ignore it, 2) change yourself or 3) try to change your department, office, etc. Today I want to talk about a 4th option - doing a little research or being a little curious about what is feeling off.
I’ve spent the last 14 years trying to understand what turning an idea into an action, project, program, or thing in the world looks like. It’s involved a lot of linking up words in a document to actions in the world. What I found is that often, what an organization says is not the same as what it does. This kind of misalignment can be frustrating, confusing, and disruptive to your nervous system.
We don’t have a lot of experience making decisions about how things feel and often the ways that our experiences are reflected back to us can be misaligned to how we feel.
Leverage Data
When I started my last job, I collected all the documentation that I could about the job and my work. Where were the various parts of my job publicly recorded?This looked like: strategic plan documents, mission statement, policy documents, my job description, meeting minutes (if they existed), and website content.
I even went into national organizations and pulled documentation that pertained to my job. Being the human that I am, I printed out the relevant pieces and taped them into a notebook so that I could pull them up whenever I needed (it was so much information that my brain couldn’t hold all of that at once).
These were the tools that gave me a tangible reminder of what I was responsible for in my job. There could be plenty others. The goal here is to have documentation, a paper trail, or information that is more than just what someone else says (which is not to say that what someone else says isn’t important).
Some things to consider about this information:
Who wrote or created it?
What is the context of the creation of the information? (Was it shared with the board or the C-suite or was it created to file away in a drawer in HR?)
Who was it written for? (Again, was it written because it was something that needed to be filed away or was there a collaborative process that put intention and time into it, not that these two are mutually exclusive.)
Gathering this type of information can do a couple things
Provide you with a more accurate picture of what is real in your organization. What does the policy actually say? Etc.;
If your nervous system is having a hard time, it provides some grounding to what things are “true;”
Give you leverage or backup in harder conversations, “well actually the policy says;” and/or
Give you validation about what feels real for you.
Yes, More Data
The next part involves staying curious.
So the documentation that you’ve collected tells one story, but it’s also helpful to think about the story that exists in your lived experience at work?
A couple tools that I have found helpful:
Otter.ai - it’s a transcription software. I use it all the time in meetings when I don't want to take copious notes. I like to go back to meetings and see how folks (including myself) talk about things (example here).
Time tracker - we built a basic one at context matters. It’s just a sheet to track the very basics about what you did at any given hour during the day. This can give you a more accurate picture of what's taking up your time and what is not.
There’s not a right or wrong way to do this.
How Does it Feel?
Yes you read that right. You don’t have to do this in any particular order. It can be helpful to see some of the documentation, ways that folks are talking about things in the office, and then reflect on how that combination feels to you. Give yourself permission to feel it and have the time to process it.
For me, feelings at the office felt taboo or wrong. Maybe for you it feels normal, cool. Just recognize and be compassionate with yourself about where you are in this arena. If it feels harder to have feelings about work, don’t expect too much.
Some tools that I’ve found helpful in giving myself the time to feel my feelings:
Chani app - even if you’re not super into astrology, I really like the meditations and affirmations that are on the App. They’re usually 12-9 minutes and help me calm down and get grounded and into a more secure place with my feelings (rather than just overwhelmed or checked out from them)
Weighted blanket - I own several weighted blankets and swear by them. This is my favorite blanket to lay under when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Featured in this instagram reel!
Is there Misalignment? Is it you or them?
Does your company talk about inclusivity but support a culture of micromanaging its employees?
Do you get a raise and then your department hires a lower tier employee that makes more money than you?
Do you have a boss who supports you in one on one meetings, but never shares your work in larger meetings and conversations with their boss?
Here’s an example from the media. A Vegan food company committed to addressing “food insecurity, economic justice, and climate change” through plant-based options laid off its workers abruptly and without support.
These are just some examples that can feel frustrating at work and can be confusing because things don’t align.
This is not to say that everyone has to have impeccable integrity. We all make mistakes. This blog is meant to provide one tool (there are plenty) to give you an idea of what can be frustrating about work. Because the answer does not always have to be (1) do something about it or (2) ignore it.
And it can be that you are working to follow the rules, obey instructions from superiors and you are doing it all WELL and CORRECTLY. AND things can still feel off. The goal here is to provide your nervous system with some information for it to calm down.
