Should I quit? How to know if it is time.
OK, so we are in the middle of what some people are calling the Great Resignation. Over 4 million people have quit their jobs in the last 8 months. Some folks are calling it the Great Reshuffle, but that’s a whole other blog post.
We all might know someone who has recently quit their job. It’s definitely happening. (I quit my job late 2021).
But, really, how do you know when to quit? (like, for real, I asked myself this question for almost 3 years)
I want to preface the rest of this with the caveat that (1) every person is different so their level of comfort, discomfort and pathways for security will look different and (2) the only person who can decide when it is time to leave a job is you. I do not believe that there is a “right” way to quit, maybe a right way for you to quit. (3) I am making the assumption here that quitting your job is not a matter of physical and emotional safety and I want to acknowledge the privilege about doing some of the things here (post on the intersection of privilege and the great resignation coming soon).
Take a deep breath. Honor what is.
As humans we fundamentally try to avoid pain and suffering. Chances are, if you are thinking about quitting your job, it’s because something feels bad or is not going well. That sucks. When something feels bad, it’s easy to either avoid it, numb it out, or try to get out of it as fast as possible. If it feels safe to do, give yourself some time to feel. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to get angry, get angry (punch a pillow or writhing in bed are options that I enjoy). Often avoiding the feelings can be more work than actually just feeling the feeling. Honor the fact that this shitty thing is happening to you. I highly recommend working with a therapist, as they are trained to safely hold space for these uncomfortable feelings, especially as we are learning more about what organizational trauma can look like in some workplaces.
Of course you feel this way!
There are historical and valid reasons that acknowledging that work doesn’t feel great can feel so bad. Sarah Jaffe (2021) in her book Work Won’t Love You Back, tracks the history of how we got to our current “labor-of-love (work) ethic, where we’re expected to enjoy work for its own sake” (p. 12). She reminds us that “the idea that work should be a source of fulfillment has become common sense in our world, to the extent that saying otherwise is an act of rebellion” (p. 11).
Also, another reason that feeling bad about work feels bad: we’re still in the middle of a pandemic, or maybe we’re finally just in an endemic. It’s hard not to be burnt out and overwhelmed. Amy Kuretsky, a breathwork facilitator and wellness coach, wrote a great newsletter a couple weeks ago, where she pointed out that “burnout is an appropriate response to the current state of the world.” Laura van Dernoot Lipsky in The Age of Overwhelm, reminds us how incredibly hard it can be to have or maintain awareness you are actually overwhelmed. Whether you are burnt out, overwhelmed, or unsure yet of what you are experiencing, we are not given many options of feeling ok about talking about how bad work feels. We’re supposed to love it and everyone is supposed to “know what they are doing.”
Make time to get curious
What feels bad? Ask yourself, is it you or is it your organization? (post on this coming soon) Are there other things going on in your life? What is your intuition telling you? Give yourself the time to consider these things without judgment (maybe just an hour a week), when you don’t immediately think of how you have to pay bills, or you have people relying on you. Having thoughts about quitting your job to become a circus performer wont hurt your family or keep you from paying your bills.
If your first response is, “I don’t have enough time” (or even if you feel like you have time, this exercise can be really helpful). For just a couple days, track your time. Each hour, write down what you were doing (we created this worksheet for you). After 3ish days, look at what you are doing. Do you notice any patterns? What is the relationship between the amount of time you are spending on projects or activities and their importance? How much time is it taking to get things to a point where you hand them over or turn them in? In an instagram reel, Celina Rosso, said something that really stuck with me, “if it only works if you are performing at your best, then it’s not actually a sustainable strategy for you.” Where can you start to do things “good enough?” And if you already feel like you are doing things “good enough,” I encourage you to try to do them “less” good enough. If you aren’t sure what “good enough” looks like, do you have friends you can call up for a quick gut check? Or, if no one comes to mind, send me an email (amanda@contextmatters.work), Allie and I are working on some resources and this will be a category in there.
Getting curious about where you are spending your time at work can help you feel like you have some control. That feeling of control can help you make some space to better understand why your job does not feel the way you want it to.
Moving from feeling not so great about work to being curious about what doesn’t feel great to making space to do something about it can be hard. Feeling like you want to quit and not feeling like you have the space or time to do anything about it can also feel pretty gross as well. Should you quit? As with most things, especially human centered ones, it’s hard to find a definitive yes or no answer. I’ve always found that getting clarity about what is true in terms of
the capacity of an organization,
my capacity, and
what my feelings are trying to tell me
are great datapoints to start from.
Love,
Amanda
